i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
