your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
