Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
