I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
