Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I want to be your penis for a week.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
i think my cat just said my name.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
