call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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