Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I can text with my tongue
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
