dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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