Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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