Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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