Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
