how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
