I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Someone signed my nipple.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
