I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
