I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
