he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
