and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
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If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
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We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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