Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
