She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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