oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize