can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
