Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
