dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
