I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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