i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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