sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
