Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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