I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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