Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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