dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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