goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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