Please don't use social media to get back at me.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
