what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize