you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
