At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
