Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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