Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
