i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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