She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
