he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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