No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
