I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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