Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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