the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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