this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
