walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
This toilet bowl is my home.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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