There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
