I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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