just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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