I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
