Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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