Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I need to align my fucking chakras
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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