A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you mean i was at the winter classic?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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