Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
