I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
