Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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