How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
