She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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