The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
just tell him i said nine months
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
