he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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