naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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