dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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