So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
