i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
