So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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