Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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