Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I think I just sharted jello shots
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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