At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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