we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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