I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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