I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
