i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
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the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
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When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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