Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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