Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
