Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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