He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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